C'mon Inner Peace… I Don't Have All Damn Day
Falling in love with a man from India has been a roller coaster combination of many interesting conversations, arguments, passions and complexities.
I wouldn’t trade him for the world though, because he has brightened my disillusioned and tired mind.
My blog stats continuously show questions about masala couples (a mix between east and west) that I feel compelled to let you know… you are not alone.
There are many articles both for and against the Indian man, as if they are this alien subspecies to be poked and prodded by science. “Who are these men so inexperienced in the western dating world, with bright minds and a confused look on their face?”
There are articles about western women not being accepted into Indian families… “will he even marry me at all?”
I had no idea the Indian culture falsely sees western women as “easy“ and that marrying the love of my life would be so complicated.
Getting his Punjabi Sikh family to accept me used to seem insurmountable, and trying to convince some of my closed minded American friends that he is not after a green card has been entertaining… to say the least.
The reasons I fell in love with this man were very basic and simple; he loves me completely, and he is the most moral man I have ever known.
For a woman who has seen the worst side of men, my Indian boyfriend was a breath of fresh air. He restored my faith in humanity by always putting our relationship first.
Indian men have been raised to think about marriage… and their priority is usually family above all else. With him, I feel as if I have stepped back in time to 1930, where thoughts regarding matrimony were less complicated and more chivalrous.
I have suddenly been submerged into this colorful and intriguing world I had never before imagined existed; I love the complex simplicity of it all.
…But, there are issues of course.
Now I have to be aware that Mercury being in retrograde could possibly put a small “rift” in my relationship for a few weeks. Things that I would never have thought of, seem to pop up out of the blue… such as making a journey to a certain temple on the Ganges to clear his Karma from the woes of his grandfathers.
…And did you know that Turmeric cures just about EVERYTHING? Now I do… I know this well.
It’s an experience both of us find interesting, sometimes frustrating… yet always filled with humor, devotion and respect.
Reading the online message boards, candidly shows me the shock and horror of racism on both sides. I am shocked as to what I see from westerners… “we don’t date you because you are not white,” or simply “Indian men smell.”
The comments from Indians are just as crazy; although in contrast they are extremely long and well written.
The theories they tend have about western women are just as entertaining, “they don’t like us because we are I.T. nerds,” or wrongly they think “girls in America have loose morals.” The best though, “they are afraid of the rapes and honor killings they hear about in the media.”
I don’t think it is so much the honor killing as much as the internet being filled with western girls who have actually fallen in love with an Indian man only to have their hearts ripped out.
Some Indian men do tend to see western girls as “easy” and take advantage of that love… only to leave them for an arranged marriage back home in India.
The countless stories are absolutely unimaginable to a girl from the west; knowing that falling in love with an Indian guy may leave her heartbroken.
In India, everyone seems to accept your “one true love” may marry someone else one day; where the western woman could never understand that you did not have the balls to stand up to your family for her.
There is a major cultural difference in how one sees their status prior to marriage.
A western girl hears “I love you” from her boyfriend and automatically thinks long-term. But, in many Indian households, love only happens after marriage; there is no guarantee until it’s official.
Indian men sometimes like to throw the words “I love you” around easily… and quite fast.
Western girls NEED to understand this.
I consider myself one of the lucky ones, my Indian “boyfriend” plans on marrying me, contrary to what his society thinks. He is not awkward or nerdy; I think he is beautiful to look at, smells delicious and exudes a confidence that I adore. He takes me by the hand and lets me know that he will fight for me until the day he dies.
…AND much to the dismay of Indian mothers everywhere, I am not an “easy girl” who sleeps around, drinking at clubs till the wee hours of the morning.
Although there was a time when yes, dancing until dawn was fun… it does not mean that western girls are these “crazy sluts” Indian culture seems to think we are.
My Indian “boyfriend” doesn’t care about my past, he only sees our future together; knowing I am none of those things his society believes.
For the first time in my life, I can’t wait to get married. I’m going to marry the man who kisses my forehead and is not afraid to become my family.
I’m going to marry the most kind and gentle person I have ever met; the one who consistently resolves our issues like a man ready to take on the role of a husband; not a child who plays games.
My Indian fiancé came into my world like a prince who stole my heart and resuscitated my soul; because he is a good man who followed his heart and wasn’t afraid to stand up for me!
I wish the same for you.
Does he stand up to his family for you? If not, PLEASE question the relationship. Masala relationships can be confusing, but it’s not hopeless as long as your boyfriend is willing to tell his family about you… and fight for you.
It’s typical to be kept secret from the family until it’s time for marriage, but is he willing to eventually deal with the pressure for you?
It’s not an easy road, but the family usually gives-in eventually. Ohhhhh, but they will threaten with all kinds of guilt ridden drama first.
I belong to large “support group” of women like us, and I’ve seen it all.
If he tells you from the beginning that his family will never accept you… believe him, that’s a HUGE red flag that he is not strong enough to stand up to them.
Has he shown signs his family is looking for a bride for him? Things like, going back to India and all of a sudden he is distant and busy? Couldn’t be found for days? His patterns and habits have changed completely from the sweet man you knew?
Feel free to contact me @BuddhafulBritt, countless women are put through hell because he won’t stand up to his family, culture and traditions. I welcome all emails from those who are still confused.
“Passion is a noisy thing, but TRUE love lives quietly.” -Lisa Britt
Follow our story in the links below:
We did it!! See wedding pics and follow our story below:
Your Boyfriend is from India? pt 2 —> HERE
His Indian Parents Don’t Accept You? —> HERE
Jersey Girl and the Sikh—> HERE
My Indian Boyfriend pt 1—>HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Prelude —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Showtime —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Indian Astrology —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: The Dress —> HERE
Surviving Long Distance Love—> HERE
Open Letter to my Husband—> HERE
Our Story, Retold —> HERE
Culture Shock: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly —> HERE
Culture Shock: What to Expect?-–> HERE
Culture Shock: Six Months in America —> HERE
Culture Shock: Manny’s First Christmas —> HERE
Culture Shock: The First Year—> HERE
Our Honeymoon: Rishikesh India—> HERE
K1 Fiance Visa: The Process—> HERE
K1 Fiance Visa: The Inteview —> HERE
Cr1 Spousal Visa: The Timeline —> HERE
Cr1 Spousal Visa: Interview Questions —>HERE
Green Card: Approved—> HERE
A Journey to: New Delhi—> HERE
A Journey to: Jaipur India —> HERE
A Journey to: Dubai UAE —> HERE
Our First Diwali—> HERE
Giving Thanks, Shukryia —> HERE
Being Sikh in America—> HERE
The Indian Grocery: Natural Products—> HERE
A Path to Happiness—> HERE
True Love Lives Quietly —> HERE
Buddhaful Britt: Most Interesting Travel Blogger —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: As We Think, So We Become —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: Inner Peace —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: Everyday Stress —> HERE
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Your joy and contentment bring a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. To read this only reassures me that you will have a very happy life together…not a perfect life but one that can survive the trials that marriage brings and one that will have many more ups than downs. I can’t wait to meet this wonderful man and see your love in action! Kisses!
Why thank you Mrs. Jenkins. I think he is just wonderful, and I appreciate your support, it means more than you know. I wish everyone was as accepting as you are.
And what a wonderful love story that I was lucky to be a part of… part of your unfolding journey through the highs and lows…. you got a lot of love and it exudes through every pore anytime someone gets to know you. Good luck and praying through this challenging journey and I am so enjoying being a part of your life journey Lee….love you and your love and the lucky man making you do what you do… it all clicks… should I pat my back further or hold off to wonder of you like me or my Indianness… lol…. hahahahaha
It’s ALL YOU NIMA! I just adore who you are and I’m thrilled to have you in my life. Thank you!
What a nice love story! You’re very lucky to have found a man is ready to stand up for you.
My boyfriend is Indian but we face big problems due to his family and Khap Panchayat.
I wish you all the best!
Thank you so much for your comment Nara! I wish you the best of luck, I understand how challenging it can be. Keep me updated!
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U R so good luck 👍 I have Indian Sikh boy friend. We fall love to now is full over 7 years So sweet love story. We had lived together almost over 6 years. I love him so so much. I love him with out conditional. No money No house I wanted. I just want him. He is my So right type of man in my life. I knew my self I can’t get this type man again in my life I m sure. I love indiands more then new modern countries. But he parent arranged Indian girl for him to go marrying in next year. He said he has fall love with her too. We can’t get married the big problem reason is he said my age is old more then him. I have kid. I had once married. This 3 things ppl will angry and lough on him and his parent. His brother said if he marry with me the parent will kill they self. He must have to respect parent choose girl. But he said I m his type he ever liked and I m more then that girl. That girl only age very young he most liked. I can’t get rid off him from my life at all. He is last real love in my life I can say that. I want he and me stay forever and I can come to Sikh and love they parent and friends. I really really really love him person only. I just want him. No sexy too I still love him. Can any one help me let we get married plz ???
I wish I could help you. All I know is that my husband family accepted me and my son. My husband told them he was going to marry me, and they agreed. It’s really your boyfriend who needs to stand up to them. Too many times I see Indian men who are scared of their family to do what their heart says. If he doesn’t stand up for you, please try to move on. He is not the one for you.
First thx so much replay to me. Can I know which country r u ? Also do u same as me single mother ? I came from Japan. My son was 2 years old his dad past away. Then I took he with me came Australia for learn English. After oh my god. Is big disturbing happen in my life. In here so so on indiands. I had met first Hindu Indian boy friend in same colleague. And we liked each other looks then lived together near 1 year. I spend total Aus $ 20000 for him and look after him so well. But after I with this second Sukh boy friend then I can know which of love and what type of love. I with Sukh this one have fully trust and warm and respect feeling. I share all my things with him can trust. Bcoz I got 2 times Indian boy friend that’s why now I knew about Indian very much. He is 30 and me now 40. He said marry party and card and ring every things is done. Can’t cancel it. But I really really sad to see he is gone from my life. We are same class we had so so sweet love story and was lined so much in beginning. Now after 7 years he left me and can know he can’t marry me that’s too stupid. If he knew that already can’t marry with me then why don’t he decide left me at early time ???? I also asked him. Then he said. Last 7 years of coz hard to left me and still have feeling and missing feeling by sad. Now he can stop contact with me. And every day chat so many hours with that Indian girl on video.
The girl carved his name on his wrist with a knife. Two or three days to remind him once. do not forget. How much she loved him. He was proud. Tell me she loves him so deep you see. This is I read from he with her what’s app msg details. If he no marry her then she going kill self. Parent too if he marry with me then they going kill self his brother said. They all by force him must to marry with Indian girl. The parent don’t care I m So good for him. I had 2 times got his baby. I didn’t force for baby. Is he ask me want baby ? Then I ask him if u want then I will. He was said yes. But when I real got 2 times baby then he very confused and say no good. Is was 5 years ago. Bcoz him I lost my life So on important things. Why he used me for his right time then now he hind me got new girl done then push me away. I did ask him will we can married all times by single date. He said can can. Every things is not impossible. I also had say to him don’t come and finish. But he keep come and push me catch me saying can’t finish with me. The heart still have So on left. But now he hind me for one year chat with that Indian girl done the sure things then tell me have to finish with me. We are 100% trust. Warm. Know each other like deep family. I knew he is my right man become my life. I can’t get other man I liked much can over him. I can learn Sukh and become Sikh. I can do hard work and care for his family. I told him. But he still want that young girl. We are very lovely love story I want keep forever. He said if can have 2 wife …..but he can. Doesn’t means she happy and I happy.
I absolutely love this article!! because it is so true….I’ve recently met an Indian man who has meant the world to me, the best person I have ever met and the best I have ever been treated by any man. Much like you Lisa…he has reinvented my soul, blows my mind intellectually is a true man and so gentle and loving. He is a true man with true morals and puts family above all else, in terms of problems he does tell me he wants to settle in India and so future wise not sure where the relationship will go, but it definitely hasn’t taken the next step yet but I know that I would marry this man in a heartbeat and if he decided I was the woman for him FOREVER he would have no hesitation in telling his family and fighting for it…fingers crossed I could just be his Western fling, but how he has changed my life he will never know 🙂
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I am so happy to read stories like this. I hope one day I will have a similar story for myself. My borfriends parents are really pushing and arranged marriage and they do not know about me. I am hoping one day to know his family as he does mine.
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If he doesn’t tell them about you, then please protect yourself. Leave. No matter how much it hurts, leave him if he won’t tell his parents. Trust me, I’ve seen too many girls have their hearts ripped out from this situation. If you would like to contact me, we have a group of women with similar stories. BuddhafulBritt@gmail.com
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Thank you for writing this. Recently a very sweet and very attractive guy from India requested as a friend in facebook. We have been talking for hours. He actually sleeps during the day just to talk to me because of the time difference. I am very confused on how he found me and why he wants to talk to me so much. I’ve stayed connected with him because he is so sweet and attractive
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You haven’t had any friends in common? He reached out to you? Be careful about that… maybe we could chat some more about him. I belong to a group.
Yes, He was a complete stranger.. he still wants to talk all the time. He seems sweet but my guard is up. Where can I keep in touch with you, if I needed some advice? Thank you so much for replying!
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Your story had me smiling. You’re so blessed to be able to be with him. Recently, my indian boyfriend of 2.5 years, broke up with me. He told me he had told his parents he met someone and is dating. His parents disagreed and told him he have to go back to India or they won’t care about him anymore. Forcing him to end the relationship with me. Although he did not say it was his parents who had him to end it, he told me it’s because of our differences and the problems we have with our parents. I love this man to death and I’ve told him before. It is also because we work together in a company and he doesn’t like the idea of me working in the same company. He’s in a higher position in the company and I’m a nobody. We work around a lot of asian people who do a lot of gossiping. Which he doesn’t like. We kept our relationship a secret from our coworkers. Only a few knew we dated. I’m so hurt that our relationship has to end. I felt like we were going to get marry. I don’t know what happened when he went back to india, but he came back very different. I met his sister and she knew we were dating. She likes me a lot and is always happy to see me. I don’t know how to get my ex indian boyfriend back. I’m trying my best to do what he had told me to do. He was very happy when I told him I’m going back to school and soon will be quitting the company. I wished I didn’t stressed him out because his parents and sister are stressing him out. I told him before, if he needed my help, I can help his sister find a job here. But it seems the deadline is almost near. I’m not sure what the real reason why he broke up with me. It was unclear for me. I wished I can tell you. I know he’s not in an arrange marriage. What hurts me most is when I came upon a site with his name in it. He had made an account searching for an Indian bride. It made me very upset because it was before we broke up. I just don’t understand why he would tell me he loves me then come back completely different and then asked to break up. He was a prince to me and he made me feel like I was his princess. Hes so loving and caring. By the way, I’m mixed with 3 Asian cultures and born in America. Is it because I’m southeast asian mixed? Or is it because I’m not vegetarian? If it’s because I’m not vegetarian, I can become one. I love this guy so much I am willing to learn his way of living. I’m still sadden by the end of our relationship. We still text each other once in awhile and bump into each other at work, but act like we never had anything together. I’m so confused and lost as of right now. I’ve been crying for a month now and my emotion and mental state is unstable to the point where it’s hurting me physically too. I want him to be with me again. I feel if I am able to leave the company and get to talk to him face to face, I would maybe get him to come back to me. But it feels unlikely of it happening.
Would you like to email me? I have a group that may be able to help you. I have heard this story over and over, it’s so painful each time I hear it. Send me a message. Info in the about page
I’m fine. I was just venting. Thanks
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Seen your post about emailing you and you have a group of people that can help and like I said I’ve posted my question to you twice but it doesn’t show and I am desperate for answers this involves years together and my heart is breaking
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I’m an American white girl who has so many questions about Indian boyfriend and due to lies and shade has raised more questions. I’ve tried for years to find out what’s going on and I get zero answers. Have noticed if his boys or anyone is in the car with him he will not talk in the phone with me like he does when he’s driving alone or makes excuses as to why he doesn’t and this is becoming more of an issue in the relationship yet he promises me we’re going to be together forever and he loves me and so on… Just want answers anymore I’m torn and so much has taken place I don’t know what to believe… Please give thoughts
Wondering if you received my question to you I posted but I don’t see it and I desperately need answers
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I do not know what question you’re referring to. You are more than welcome to email me, firstname.lastname@example.org but like I said before, I’ve just been through a major hurricane and life is not quite back to normal yet. We have power issues, no wifi or cable. Logging onto my website is difficult right now, but I will try to help the best I can.
Posting same question in case you didn’t receive:
I’m an American white girl Indian boyfriend who’s raised questions about who knows about me or if he’s married or seems something is up reason for this is, he won’t talk in the phone to me around his boys but supposedly his boys text me but aren’t allowed to talk to me and I question if it’s even his boys texting me the same for his parents. He promises me will be together under one roof and says how much he loves me but his actions speak differently and I’m now into this relationship with years we’ve had together and I don’t know what to do because I’m torn. Please give me your thoughts and there’s more to tell but I’m sure you can get the concerns I have just need to talk to someone who can really help me
I posted my question again and it’s not showing so please email me and I would appreciate it if I can email you with my question that I need answers to by people who know and not people just putting in there comments. This is been going on for years and I’m so torn and my heart is breaking…
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Can you email me? BuddhafulBritt@gmail.com I have been through hurricane Irma, and we still have power and wifi issues, so I apologize for not responding quicker, but I have very little access to anything. If you can email me, or give me more information here I could help you better. You are welcome in our group, but I still need more information about you and your relationship.
Im so happy found this when i googled about dating indian men lol.. Well im just start dating with indian man. Not sure where it lead, but i felt something and we both had a great time so far. Hope i could have a same story like you. Im so happy for you..🤗
Good luck! I’m always here for advice because sometimes these intercultural relationships can get complicated. Lol
Thanks for reply britt.. Well i have some issues. According to our LDR 🙂 He always come to see me, treat me good with respect. And pampered me. Ask me to travel with him. But we also have some difference like religion, hes vegetarian and im not. Are these gonna be a problem due our progress. Im just not sure where it leads, cause its too early to conclude our relation. But i would love to hear some advice from you to help lil bit..
Oh im asian by the way. Sorry bout my english. Thanks again
Usually, I find these problems aren’t as bad as trying to deal with family. Will his family accept you? If they do, and he tells them about you… then all other issues fall into place easier. Religion is sometimes a problem but most girls I know try to share and mix cultures. You’ll be just fine as long as he tells his parents about you. If they don’t accept you right away, that’s normal too. But the fact that he told them, and stands up for you is the biggest hurdle. In my experience.
Ok 🙂 so i just have to see how it goes then. Can u tell me how long did u guys been dating until got merried? I just wanna make sure first if he lead this to serious or just something else..
We were together a year before I met his family. We were married two years after we met, and now we have been together 4 years, and I love his entire family very much.
Wow, thats amazing. Glad to hear britt..
Will see how it goes with us. And thanks for the advice. It means a lot..
All the best for u, husband and the family 🙏🏼
Love your story, and I know you will be happy together.
Awww. Thank you for reading and reaching out! 😀
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Congrats to the happy couple. Happy, happy couple is more accurate!
Thank you so much! 😀
Thank you so much! It’s been a long road, but totally worth it!
you have an inspiring story. and it made me tear up seriously. The smile on your faces tells the world “love knows no boundary”
best wished for the both of you.
This made my whole day. Thank you so much for reading, but a big hug for commenting!
My bf is from london but his parents was from trinidad who moved to london in the 1960. We met online and fell in love. We been meeting since than in europe as i cant go to UK .im caucasian from europe and he is indian from trinidad. I met him with my parents and they told me to leav him as he is black in their eyes .what should i do
How do his parents feel? This choice is up to you my dear. If you love him and think he is a good man, then, does your Parents opinion of what color they think he is matter? It’s a tough choice to give up love because of your parents. And a choice that only you can make. If you think he is a good man: would he marry you and support you emotionally through this, then maybe go for it.
My indian boyfriend of 6 years has done the fade out thing goes to india more often and l dont hear from him for days he says he loves me but lm heart broken he’s waiting for his parents to find a bride how do l get over this he’s gone from living as a married couple to a stranger even that lm older than he didn’t and still doesn’t matter to him lm helpless lease help me
Where do you live Rosie? Can you email me? BuddhafulBritt@gmail.com
I envy you. Such a beautiful love story you have. I am a divorced woman with three kids though. I’m also older than my Indian boyfriend, but we love each other so much. I have no idea where this relationship is going or how it will end, but at the end of the day we all want one thing and that is commitment. I need advise. I also know that I might never be accepted by his family.
Can you contact me via my email. I can put you in contact with my group of women all in the same situation. Buddhafulbritt@gmail.com
Hi I would love to chat with you. I am dating a Punjabi man. I would appreciate an email. (:
I would love to chat with you sister,I am dating an India guy from the bramhaim family, pls sister ,i will leave my email here,please try to get in touch with me,I have a lot to discuss with you; which as become a burden to my heart: my email is —fausat1992@Gmail.com
Sister please get across to me, it as been a while have be searching for someone with same experience like my case, I found you now and I feel my problem will surely have and end
Hi I’m just start dating a man from india. We have been dating only 3 weeks and he says he loves me. Sex was right away. I am worried that he may have someone. I have never heard him say something but I worry. I have feelings for him but scared that he passing time. He says no that he wants me. How can I feel secure that he does not have something arranged,
It’s still way too early to know these things. You will have to trust your heart for now, but look out for red flags. The one main thing to look out for is if he is willing to tell his parents about you when it’s time for marriage. If he does not, and wants you to remain a secret, that’s a huge red flag. I think it’s common for I often guys to say “I love you” much faster than we are used to, but the truth comes out after time and you start talking about marriage.
You too are gorgeous and so happy. Gives me hope. While my bf and I had a slow and bumpy start. I have now, known him for a little over 3 years. We are much older than you two are. My bf has stood up to parents saying, never to an arranged marriage. They don’t bring it up any longer. But they also don’t know about me. Your article gives me hope. Although, he rarely sees his parents, so don’t think that is an issue, but his workaholic side is an issue. He does talk about out future, but then, gets scared. He said, this is the closest he has ever been to love and marriage. Lucky me.
Could you send me n email? BuddhafulBritt@gmail.com
This is such a beautiful but yet a difficult story. This story really put a smile on my face and the pictures. I hope that soon enough I will be able to be with my love. We have been together for 6 months and I know we have a long road ahead of us. Definitely scratching k1 visa out the to do list. I would love to chat with you. Please email me.
A lot of people email me on Instagram or the FB page to Buddhaful, located on the sidebar. Would love to hear more about your story.