C'mon Inner Peace… I Don't Have All Damn Day
I suck at math… Suck? That word is too light to describe math in my opinion.
I would rather be swimming in the Gulf waters filled with chum, than ever look at math again.
I have a huge respect for math, and people who get it. It fascinates me, but the second I see an X, a fraction or that little 2 that hangs above numbers, I tune out.
The honest truth is that I went to six colleges in my 20’s.
I would be loving school until they forced me to take algebra and all of a sudden this heavy black cloud would appear. Everything would go in slow motion and ultimately, I would quit school.
Each and every time… SIX colleges!
For most of my childhood I was in advanced placement classes, so it did not seem to make sense that I would be dropping out of school so easily. I was smart… but not THAT smart apparently. I ran away from algebra for DECADES.
After making the exciting choice to return to school, I asked myself if I was finally ready to face the dreaded algebra class.
I was… I think.
To me, algebra was the only thing standing in my way of a college degree. A college degree would finally mean that I wasn’t as ditzy as people thought I was.
I had to face this class head on. I held my breath and jumped in.
My first day of algebra class was horrifying. All of my worst fears had come true.
The teacher seemed to speak Chinese and all the 19 year old kids seemed to speak it as well. Worse yet, what she was writing on the board LOOKED Chinese, so I excused myself to the bathroom and never went back.
I decided to take a remedial pre-algebra that did not count for any credit, but I figured after 20 years of avoiding math all together I probably should brush up.
That class went well.
He had cartoons and pictures, and taught in a very non-threatening way. I decided I was ready to go with the big boys… the kids who get it, the movers and shakers, the algebra thinkers.
I was at the point where I either get through this, or decide that college is not for me and go back to working in a hotel.
I didn’t sleep and I felt like a failure.
I had gone as far as I can go in college with all my pre-requisites completed but they would not let me take science or other interesting classes until I finished algebra. (That’s CRAP right?)
I had one last glimmer of hope; some ammunition I had kept in the back of my head for a time such as this… Hypnosis.
I found a woman who is also a psychologist, but specializes in hypnosis. I told her about my fear of math and we set up and appointment.
She said it would take two appointments of two hours each. By the end of the first session I was sobbing crying in her big ol’ comfy chair.
I learned that from a young age I had a mean, evil, wicked witch of a math teacher who terrified me… no, that’s not exactly what happened.
What I did learn was that the personalities of math teachers in general, frighten me.
I am a warm, outgoing and “in your face” type of person.
Math teachers tend to far from warm and fuzzy. I feel they judge me somehow with their blank stare and disapproving look.
Interesting first session, but how will this help me in my algebra class?
Well, math still looked like Chinese but I was able to sit through an entire class, that alone was an achievement.
When the first test was due to come up, I found the free math tutors in my school and became VERY visible. I was on a first name basis with all of them.
Math did not instantly make sense to me after hypnosis, but I DID run towards it, instead of running away from it.
The end of the second two hour session left me a big giant-heap of a baby, curled up in fetal position.
This session, she pressed deeper with questions like:
“What does passing algebra mean to you?” … a degree
“What does getting your degree mean to you?” It means… I did it, people will take me seriously
“What will you do with this degree?” I can stand on my own two feet again
“Where do you want to go?” I don’t know, USF maybe?
“WHAT IS IT YOU REALLY WANT?”
Sobbing, I said in a small voice… “I want to go home to NYC, but I’m scared!”
ALACAZAM …and that was the answer.
I had a gigantic fear of success my whole life, which I never knew about.
Subconsciously I’ve lived my entire life as easily and bubbly as possible; avoiding my true potential.
FEAR… has ruled my life.
I ended up with a big FAT 80% in that algebra class! ME! I passed algebra…
I ran towards it instead of running away from it.
That B will be on my records for the rest of my life, and NO ONE can take it away from me.
Basically, it comes down to the saying, “if you really want something you will find a way; if you don’t… you will find an excuse.”
My hypnotherapist turned down the volume of my fears, but ultimately it was me who made the choice to seek her help because I wanted it.
If I can do algebra, I can do ANYTHING… and so can you!
You have to take the first little baby step and keep moving forward.
Set the intention… and then go for it!
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