Buddhaful Britt

C'mon Inner Peace… I Don't Have All Damn Day

Six Months in America

Reading through some of my old articles leaves me meloncholy; I’ve been reminiscing on everything we went through to get my husband to the United States. 

It feels like a lifetime ago. 

One can only attempt to visualize the day when your long distance relationship finally comes together permanently.  

The reality is… real-life can never live up to that fantasy. 

Manny arrived and it was like I was married to a stranger. We knew each other so well… from a distance, “vacation love,” if you will. 

But, having him move to the United States was more of shock to both of our systems than I could’ve ever imagined.

The love was always there, but having your husband move into YOUR world from a completely different culture… was difficult to say the least. 

No wonder they make so many reality shows about people like us. For all intents and purposes, parts of this acculturation process is absolutely a freak-show. 

I wish the visa process was different.

I wish there had been a way to obtain a tourist visa prior to him moving here. 

Instead, governments force couples to do it their way with no consideration for the families involved… and it was one giant mind-fuck.

He needed time to traverse the planetary differences between East and West.  Because truly, our cultures are so vastly different that sometimes it feels like we come from completely different planets… not continents. 

Baby steps. (Exhale) 

I was filled with sadness looking back on our first few months together in the United States.  

I’ve lost friends because of this. I’ve cut out family.  I have had to literally hold his hand through some very difficult cultural differences.

And… although things are much better now, we are not out of the woods by any stretch of the imagination.

But, on a positive note, I’ve also rediscovered the man I once knew, and I’ve fallen in love with him all over again.


He was there all along, hiding behind mood-swings and uncomfortable situations.  

He was there… learning how to fit-in.  He was there all along, while I was busy doing damage control. 

I was desperately trying to make loved ones understand how incredibly difficult this was… for BOTH OF US.  Those with no compassion are no longer part of our lives, and I feel free.

Free for new beginnings.

We have dealt with racism on shocking levels; two guys even kicked a dent into our car because they didn’t like “brown” people. 

We’ve heard some unbelievable comments from Indians as well.

One vile man asked Manny, in Punjabi, how long he “planned on staying married to the white girl.” 

The man lovingly informed Manny that he only needed to “fake it” for two years. After the two year interview, Manny is free to leave me… and marry the Indian girl of his dreams.

Interesting.

But, you see? My husband tells me these things. 

He has no intention of leaving in two years, or in twenty years.  He is the exact same ‘moral” man I married… and I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am.

So, looking back at some of my recent posts, I felt like time has gone by at a snail’s pace. 

All these years we waited to be together.  I thought THAT was the hard part, but I was VERY wrong.

The hard part is having your friends and family adjust to a person you already know.

The hard part is having the man of your dreams transform into a stranger while he navigates, culture, food, language, humor, and basic survival skills.

The transformation is slow and painful, but well worth the hard work.

Six months ago, Manny would repeatedly wear his clothes from India, and now he never wears them. 

He was repulsed by salad; now he has become vegan;  salad being his main staple.

Manny gets up at 6am for a long bike-ride down the beach for exercise, and peace. 

I see him smile more often and his face has taken on a more gentle, relaxed appearance. He engages in conversation more easily, and even wants to eat at a restaurant once in awhile. 

He was always a night-person, but now he goes to sleep by 10pm. 

He has even switched his dinner times to something more comparable to Europe, although, not quite an “American” dinner time… yet.

We were forced to evacuate to a shelter during Hurricane Irma; Manny met lots of old ladies who fell in love with his devotion to volunteering… and very special tea.

We go to Yoga together; a dream come true for me! 

And, he has learned to appreciate American “weekends,” because they are for family adventures.

Manny FINALLY got his driver’s license. The best part of that is that I don’t feel like he is going to kill us by driving on the wrong side of the road… as much.

Believe me though, there are still times when I scream “THIS IS NOT INDIA,” when he fails to realize a “Stop Sign” really means Stop, and “Right on Red,” is not exactly permission to careen himself into oncoming traffic because “they will stop.”

No Manny… No they will not.

I find we have many more days passing between his quiet, distant, moods. 

Trepidation has been replaced with laughter, and a general peace is taking over the entire home as we all learn to co-exist happily.

My mom is less afraid he is trying to control her, and my son is adjusting to sharing his mommy. 

Although, I admit to spending even more quality time with my son because the semi-pre-teen years can be difficult to navigate, even without throwing some Indian guy into your mother’s bed.

Manny’s Grandmother passed away recently. 

He did not show much emotion about her passing, but I couldn’t help but feel sadness for him being 10,000 miles away from home, He was not able to simply jump on a plane and be with family. This was the first of many realizations, I suppose.

His little brother calls a lot; I can tell he needs Manny for guidance. 

And, his family calls with the problems of India, whatever they may be.  I think he feels very far removed from their scenarios. It’s as if he has grown into his own person now, with the wisdom only world-travel can give.

Each day though,  I fall more and more in love with him.

It’s true.

I honestly didn’t know love could be this way. 

He makes me iced coffee each morning before he leaves.  He cooks dinners and even drives me wherever I have to go. 

Our love has grown so much stronger than I could have ever imagined possible.

And…

At least once a week, he asks me to marry him all over again; I melt.

Follow our story in the links below:

Read about when I met “My Indian Boyfriend “—>HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Prelude —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Showtime —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Indian Astrology —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: The Dress —> HERE

Surviving Long Distance Love—> HERE

Open Letter to my Husband—> HERE

Our Story, Retold —> HERE

Culture Shock: What to Expect?-–> HERE

Our Honeymoon: Rishikesh India—> HERE

K1 Fiance Visa: The Process—> HERE

K1 Fiance Visa: The Inteview —> HERE

Cr1 Spousal Visa: The Timeline —> HERE

Cr1 Spousal Visa: Interview Questions —>HERE

A Journey to:  New Delhi—> HERE 

A Journey to:  Jaipur India —> HERE

A Journey to: Dubai UAE —> HERE

Our First Diwali—> HERE

Giving Thanks, Shukryia  —> HERE

Being Sikh in America—> HERE

The Indian Grocery: Natural Products—> HERE

A Path to Happiness—> HERE 

Buddhaful Britt: Most Interesting Travel Blogger —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: As We Think, So We Become —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: Inner Peace —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: Everyday Stress —> HERE

 

 

 

 

 

 

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9 comments on “Six Months in America

  1. Buffalo Tom Peabody
    October 6, 2017

    Hang in there! Welcome Manny! Don’t let the haters get you down. 👍👍
    ^^ Buffalo Tom

    Like

    • Britt
      October 6, 2017

      Haha! Thank you so much! I will tell him your kind words! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  2. HolyGuacamole
    October 7, 2017

    Another great post, loved reading it. The first year is always tough. Did Manny live close to his family all his life prior to moving to US? If so, I can see how that could make it worse. I went to college a 1000 miles over from my parents where I had to live by myself which helped me a bit.

    Congratulations to Manny on getting the license. That’s a big one. Not having one is a major handicap in US. About driving in US versus India: rules and signs are merely “suggestions” in India. Entirely optional. It is total anarchy in the roads there, as you probably know already since you’ve been there. It is much easier to drive here.

    I wouldn’t consider the incident with the vile Indian man as racism. More like opportunistic scumbaggery (his mentality, I mean). I feel amazed that he had the nerve to say that to Manny. As for the car dent incident, it’s just sad that not liking brown people has become a “thing” in the current political climate. Apparently, there’s no good kind of brown anymore.

    Consider moving to the north (NJ maybe? :)). The only negative is that it can get really cold up here in winter.

    Like

    • Britt
      October 7, 2017

      Hahaha thanks for such a beautiful post. We both wish we could move home to NJ, but I’m stuck for the time being. Sigh. I do miss Jersey so so much. Again, thank you for reading and caring.

      Like

  3. Pingback: Six Months in America — Buddhaful Britt – Suman D. Freelancer

  4. thespiritkeeper
    October 14, 2017

    Thoughts made manifest

    Liked by 1 person

  5. charlypriest
    October 20, 2017

    All the best to you two, I can relate in a sense that after writing with an Indian girl wich his Indian husband was already living in the U.S and he actually is not Indian anymore he has the American passport, well when she finally got there she was in shock obviously. But little by little this arrange marriage seems it’s working and she is adjusting very good, now she doesn’t want to go back to India. She and her husband made the whole trip to my country Spain, and at first I thought I was going to see a monster after all she told me about him, but a real nice guy, takes care of her, she’s a bit of a nutcase like me and one morning she took his car to work and didn’t even realize it wasn’t her car until he called and told her. That was a funny one, they complement each other, he is completely different from her, she is like a kid can’t stop moving around and this guy….. well we where at my mothers home and she was driving me nuts talking and talking, so I look at her and tell him smiling how do you deal with this tornado? He just laughs and says, I just disconnect completely and let her do and say. Point being, is that even that is harsh living behind familly, friends, there is a future even better out there. So again good luck, all the best to both of you and glad you stumbled upon my crazy blog.

    Like

    • Britt
      October 20, 2017

      Haha great story! Thank you for making me smile, and reading my blog.

      Like

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