Buddhaful Britt

C'mon Inner Peace… I Don't Have All Damn Day

Surviving Long Distance Love

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In a time where the internet has brought people together in ways we could not have imagined two decades ago, relationships like mine are becoming more commonplace.

Maybe a Texan fell in love with a Californian? Or possibly, a New Yorker hooked up with a Brazilian during carnival?  It’s easier now, more than ever, to fall in love with a person who lives thousands of miles away.

Facebook not only lets us see the daily musings of friends all over the world, but apps such as Skype and What’s App allow people from all kinds of backgrounds to communicate with nothing more than a free wifi connection.

While people can’t wrap their head around “how” Manny and I fell in love, they seem even more confused as to how we stay in love.

It’s simple; we have a deep respect for each other, but there are definitely tricks to keeping our spark alive.

quotes fan via clipish.com

quotes fan via clipish.com


We don’t doubt each other
:

There is a mutual respect between us. I wrote a post titled “True Love Lives Quietly,” where I explain that true love will not give you anxiety or doubts.

If I am feeling upset about something he will simply say “I’m listening.” I can scream until I’ve exhausted my rant and he will reply “are you done?” Then he calmly breaks down each of my concerns one by one while re-assuring me there is nothing to worry about.

Long distance relationships need a deeper understanding of the challenges, and keep focused towards the goal.

quotes fan via clipish.com

quotes fan via clipish.com


Goals:

There HAS to be an end-goal. Relationships are fun and exciting at the beginning, but with distance, there must be something to work towards. Flying back and forth gets expensive… and time-consuming; months can fly by.

Without an end-goal, it could all be for naught.

I was once in a long distance relationship where he lived in San Francisco and I lived in New York City. For five years I would fly out to Cali, or he would fly to New York, but there was never a “goal.” I was always left wondering when our relationship would move forward.

It never did.

With Manpreet, we met our goal of being married, now all we have to do is WAIT until the US government allows us to be together. We focus on that premise daily, but it takes WORK from both partners.

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onmogul,com via clipish


Shared experiences:

We dont just chat each night, we include each other in daily life. He speaks to my friends, he is involved in festivals and he even plays video games with my son. Manny texts my mom just to say hello; there is a lot of effort put into keeping our relationship alive.

It’s rare that I feel Manpreet is stuck halfway across the word. Normally I feel as if he is just at work. He never makes me feel as if I dont know whats going on in his world, and I keep him in the loop of our life as well.

I could tell you where he is at any given point of the day and he can tell you about each of my friends; we takes an interest in every part of life.

sayimages,com via clipsh

sayimages,com via clipsh


Send items via Snail-Mail.

It means so much more when you receive a package from your loved one. Manny says he likes to smell me, that he wants a small vile of my perfume to remind him of me.

He says he can feel me with him throughout the day, that he knows I am with him no matter what.

At times our lives tend to go in different directions, but having an object to hold (or smell) instantly brings them close to us no matter how far.

I ALWAYS wear a ruby necklace he bought for my birthday. It stays close to my heart.

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Don’t keep score:

Manny and I don’t keep a running score of who called who, and how many times. Usually, I wait for him to get home from work and settle down, then he calls me after walking the dog.

We have patterns just like any normal couple would.

I hate the phone, but I text him constantly throughout the day. I know he is at work but I can send pics or links to read. It gives us something to talk about when he gets home.

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Photos:

Manpreet has two thousand photos in his phone; they are all of Cairo and I. He has kept almost every moment since the day we met. It doesn’t matter if the photo is just me sitting on the couch with a funny face; it helps him stay involved.

Likewise, I keep pictures of when Manny went to the Himalayas with his friends, I love looking at them because even if I was not able to share that with him physically, I did in my mind. We are always connected.

Manpreet in the Himalayas

Manpreet in the Himalayas

 

Don’t be a tourist:

It’s important to spend quality time getting to know each other on a mundane level.

When I visit India, I am DYING to go, go, go… I want to see EVERYTHING! But, instead of doing touristy things each time, it’s imperative to get to know Manny in his home-base.

I get to meet the family, see the room he skypes from and walk to the corner store he visits every day. This may not seem important, but it is.

It’s easy to make every single moment special when you finally get to see each other in a long distance relationship, but try to avoid that. You only have a certain amount of time, use it as a window into their lives.

Me... very sick

Me… very sick


Good night and Good morning:

As with any relationship, a simple good morning text can brighten your day. With long distance, it becomes your life-line.

If Manny has not texted me, I start to worry instantly.

A few months ago, there was an earthquake in Afghanistan. I woke up and saw the tremors reached New Delhi.

There were people crowded into the streets, scared to go inside. A video from a grocery store near Manny’s house showed people screaming and products flying off shelves.

I couldn’t get in touch with him, and there was no good morning text that day. His electric was out, and I was going insane.

A simple good morning, and good night text becomes the gauge you live by.

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Google Images labeled for re-use

All relationships take work, but long distance relationships require a different level of commitment.  Somehow, the distance has the ability to bring us closer to a person than we ever imagined.

And, REMEMBER… This is OUR journey to understand, the opinions of others do not matter. They are not in this relationship, YOU ARE. They do not see the countless hours spent talking, they can’t understand the deep connection. Let them think what they want.

Namaste’

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Tell me some other long-distance tricks to keep your relationship alive and strong. I want to hear from you, and how you survive the long months alone.

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Related links below:

For more stories in the Gori and the Sikh category, click—> HERE

Read about “My Indian Boyfriend “—>HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Indian Astrology —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: The Dress —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Prelude —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Show Time —> HERE

Surviving Long Distance Love—> HERE

Open Letter to my Husband—> HERE

Our Honeymoon, Rishikesh India—> HERE

Fiance Visa Process—> HERE

Cr1 Marriage Visa Timeline—> HERE

US Embassy New Delhi Interview—> HERE

Journey to New Delhi—> HERE 

First Trip to Jaipur India —> HERE

Our First Diwali—> HERE

Giving Thanks, Shukryia  —> HERE

Being Sikh in America—> HERE

The Indian Grocery—> HERE

A Path to Happiness—> HERE

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21 comments on “Surviving Long Distance Love

  1. Cosette
    May 14, 2016

    They are all very good tips to keep the love alive. I know the struggle– distance sucks. Oh! Do you also play games together? Or do some other activities together?
    Keep it up, you two!

    Like

  2. cherieie
    May 23, 2016

    i really enjoyed reading this post, especially when my LDR didn’t work well like yours and this makes me still believe in LDR and love.

    your LDR is the goal. 🙂

    Like

    • Lisa
      May 24, 2016

      Thank you! It takes a lot of hard work and understanding. Most LDR do not work out, and I can absolutely see why, it’s not anyone’s fault really. Good luck on your next relationship, I hope you find your best friend.

      Like

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This entry was posted on May 14, 2016 by in Buddhaful, Gori and the Sikh and tagged , , , , .

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