C'mon Inner Peace… I Don't Have All Damn Day
In a time where the internet has brought people together in ways we could not have imagined two decades ago, relationships like mine are becoming more commonplace.
Maybe a Texan fell in love with a Californian? Or possibly, a New Yorker hooked up with a Brazilian during carnival? It’s easier now, more than ever, to fall in love with a person who lives thousands of miles away.
Facebook not only lets us see the daily musings of friends all over the world, but apps such as Skype and What’s App allow people from all kinds of backgrounds to communicate with nothing more than a free wifi connection.
While people can’t wrap their head around “how” Manny and I fell in love, they seem even more confused as to how we stay in love.
It’s simple; we have a deep respect for each other, but there are definitely tricks to keeping our spark alive.
We don’t doubt each other:
There is a mutual respect between us. I wrote a post titled “True Love Lives Quietly,” where I explain that true love will not give you anxiety or doubts.
If I am feeling upset about something he will simply say “I’m listening.” I can scream until I’ve exhausted my rant and he will reply “are you done?” Then he calmly breaks down each of my concerns one by one while re-assuring me there is nothing to worry about.
Long distance relationships need a deeper understanding of the challenges, and keep focused towards the goal.
There HAS to be an end-goal. Relationships are fun and exciting at the beginning, but with distance, there must be something to work towards. Flying back and forth gets expensive… and time-consuming; months can fly by.
Without an end-goal, it could all be for naught.
I was once in a long distance relationship where he lived in San Francisco and I lived in New York City. For five years I would fly out to Cali, or he would fly to New York, but there was never a “goal.” I was always left wondering when our relationship would move forward.
It never did.
With Manny, we met our goal of being married, now all we have to do is WAIT until the US government allows us to be together. We focus on that premise daily, but it takes WORK from both partners.
We dont just chat each night, we include each other in daily life. He speaks to my friends, he is involved in festivals and he even plays video games with my son. Manny texts my mom just to say hello; there is a lot of effort put into keeping our relationship alive.
It’s rare that I feel Manny is stuck halfway across the word. Normally I feel as if he is just at work. He never makes me feel as if I dont know whats going on in his world, and I keep him in the loop of our life as well.
I could tell you where he is at any given point of the day and he can tell you about each of my friends; we takes an interest in every part of life.
Send items via Snail-Mail.
It means so much more when you receive a package from your loved one. Manny says he likes to smell me, that he wants a small vile of my perfume to remind him of me.
He says he can feel me with him throughout the day, that he knows I am with him no matter what.
At times our lives tend to go in different directions, but having an object to hold (or smell) instantly brings them close to us no matter how far.
I ALWAYS wear a ruby necklace he bought for my birthday. It stays close to my heart.
Don’t keep score:
Manny and I don’t keep a running score of who called who, and how many times. Usually, I wait for him to get home from work and settle down, then he calls me after walking the dog.
We have patterns just like any normal couple would.
I hate the phone, but I text him constantly throughout the day. I know he is at work but I can send pics or links to read. It gives us something to talk about when he gets home.
Manny has two thousand photos in his phone; they are all of Cai and I. He has kept almost every moment since the day we met. It doesn’t matter if the photo is just me sitting on the couch with a funny face; it helps him stay involved.
Likewise, I keep pictures of when Manny went to the Himalayas with his friends, I love looking at them because even if I was not able to share that with him physically, I did in my mind. We are always connected.
Don’t be a tourist:
It’s important to spend quality time getting to know each other on a mundane level.
When I visit India, I am DYING to go, go, go… I want to see EVERYTHING! But, instead of doing touristy things each time, it’s imperative to get to know Manny in his home-base.
I get to meet the family, see the room he skypes from and walk to the corner store he visits every day. This may not seem important, but it is.
It’s easy to make every single moment special when you finally get to see each other in a long distance relationship, but try to avoid that. You only have a certain amount of time, use it as a window into their lives.
Good night and Good morning:
As with any relationship, a simple good morning text can brighten your day. With long distance, it becomes your life-line.
If Manny has not texted me, I start to worry instantly.
A few months ago, there was an earthquake in Afghanistan. I woke up and saw the tremors reached New Delhi.
There were people crowded into the streets, scared to go inside. A video from a grocery store near Manny’s house showed people screaming and products flying off shelves.
I couldn’t get in touch with him, and there was no good morning text that day. His electric was out, and I was going insane.
A simple good morning, and good night text becomes the gauge you live by.
All relationships take work, but long distance relationships require a different level of commitment. Somehow, the distance has the ability to bring us closer to a person than we ever imagined.
And, REMEMBER… This is OUR journey to understand, the opinions of others do not matter. They are not in this relationship, YOU ARE. They do not see the countless hours spent talking, they can’t understand the deep connection. Let them think what they want.
Tell me some other long-distance tricks to keep your relationship alive and strong. I want to hear from you, and how you survive the long months alone.
Follow our story in the links below:
Read about when I met “My Indian Boyfriend “—>HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Prelude —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Showtime —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Indian Astrology —> HERE
My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: The Dress —> HERE
Surviving Long Distance Love—> HERE
Open Letter to my Husband—> HERE
Our Story, Retold —> HERE
Culture Shock: What to Expect?-–> HERE
Our Honeymoon: Rishikesh India—> HERE
K1 Fiance Visa: The Process—> HERE
K1 Fiance Visa: The Inteview —> HERE
Cr1 Spousal Visa: The Timeline —> HERE
Cr1 Spousal Visa: Interview Questions —>HERE
A Journey to: New Delhi—> HERE
A Journey to: Jaipur India —> HERE
A Journey to: Dubai UAE —> HERE
Our First Diwali—> HERE
Giving Thanks, Shukryia —> HERE
Being Sikh in America—> HERE
The Indian Grocery: Natural Products—> HERE
A Path to Happiness—> HERE
Buddhaful Britt: Most Interesting Travel Blogger —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: As We Think, So We Become —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: Inner Peace —> HERE
Buddhaful Advise: Everyday Stress —> HERE
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They are all very good tips to keep the love alive. I know the struggle– distance sucks. Oh! Do you also play games together? Or do some other activities together?
Keep it up, you two!
i really enjoyed reading this post, especially when my LDR didn’t work well like yours and this makes me still believe in LDR and love.
your LDR is the goal. 🙂
Thank you! It takes a lot of hard work and understanding. Most LDR do not work out, and I can absolutely see why, it’s not anyone’s fault really. Good luck on your next relationship, I hope you find your best friend.
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Dyou have any tips on how to make a ldr work?
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The tips in my post helped me get through the rough parts. Trust is always key. With trust your relationship is doomed no matter the distance. Respect, knowing that neither party would knowingly hurt the other. LDR’s are hard no matter how you look at it. But the truly hardest part is once you finally live together. It’s an uphill battle.
I am in love with a man living in India. I know this will only lead to heartache, but I cannot walk away. I am still puzzled by the intense feelings I have for a man I have never actually met in person. Is this possible? He has told me of his parents planning an arranged marriage, that he does not want to hurt me, but it does hurt. We talk every single day. He is my best friend. I know he loves me, but I also know he Che feels he’d be betraying his family if he did not honor their customs. We have promised each other to be best friends forever no matter what happens. I wish we had the opportunity to at least attempt to have a normal relationship to see where it would go.
I’m so sorry. I’ve seen this happen too many tile to count. I will never understand it. As for being in love with a man you never met in person, that is very real, so don’t ever doubt your feelings. Feel free to email me or message me on Instagram.