What a Difference a Year Makes

Yesterday was Manny’s one year anniversary in the United States, we celebrated Holi at my university. That had to be the strangest year of my life. Sometimes I feel like he has always been here, and other times, I’m still blown away he exists in the first place.

“Oh, Good Morning, all that wedding stuff and immigration hassle really happened?”

Weird.

Yes, in the midst of a Long Distance Relationship, you can only fantasize about life together. The pain of childbirth is often forgotten, similarly cohabitation helps you forget the pain of distance.

Manny describes our relationship as “smokey.” Proudly, he tells people how we bicker and push each others buttons. While I have to agree that I sometimes enjoy the banter, outsiders would perceive this as dysfunctional.

I don’t.

I feel like this is the most functional relationship I’ve ever had. We give each other so much space that I look back on the co-dependent relationships of my past, and want to cringe.

Manny passed his Florida Real Estate Exam on the first try, then we went on a quick cruise to the Bahamas. In less than a month, he got his first listing but is looking for a second job… to supplement real estate for now.

And, I could not be more proud of him, or all he has accomplished this past year.

He has learned the streets are not “paved in gold” in the United States. A lot of foreigners do think because our wages are higher, then obviously we’re all rich.

We are far from rich.

I remember one Indian man, in India, telling me that Americans were stupid, and when he gets his visa approved he “will be rich in three months.” Well, that man has been in the U.S. close to a year… and working at a convenience store.

It’s good to dream, but be realistic.

Manny never thought the fallacy of Golden Streets was true, but he is finding out that “getting a job” here is much more difficult than back home in India.  He can’t simply show up somewhere and start working the next day.  Oftentimes, he applies for a job, and never gets a call-back whatsoever.

This bothers him about our culture, immensely.

He reaches out to people, and they never text/call back, even on a friendship level. Few return that courtesy.

Also, legalities such as background checks before a job interview freak him out. In India you can fabricate your resume, or get an uncle to vouch for you. But in the United States they want documentation… of EVERYTHING.  He is not opposed to this, its just not a major factor in India.

Theirs is a communal lifestyle. Everyone does EVERYTHING together.  Individuality is suppressed, and family is involved with even minor decisions. This is not the case here in the States. We value autonomy; our independence is a source of pride.

I think he both loves, and hates that, about our culture.

On one hand, he can finally make his own decisions… but on the other hand he feels quite vulnerable and is sometimes seen as domineering or controlling.  He isn’t… but Americans who are not knowledgeable about his culture, absolutely see him that way,

For instance, he learned a sport much like tennis, called “pickle ball.” But, his upbringing gave his teammates the appearance that was controlling. Anyone who really knows Manny can see that he is a sweetheart on the inside, but our cultures differ so much, that he is often misunderstood.

I was told it would take about a year for him to adjust, and they were pretty much on point with that advise.

Someday, in time, I think my husband may assimilate, but its not likely any time soon. It’s been a year of learning for him… and my family. But, I believe we are headed in the right direction. As long as we have love.

Follow our story in the links below:

My Indian Boyfriend pt. 1  —>HERE

My Indian Boyfriend pt. 2 —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Prelude —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Showtime —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: Indian Astrology —> HERE

My Big Fat Sikh Wedding: The Dress —> HERE

Surviving Long Distance Love—> HERE

Open Letter to my Husband—> HERE

Our Story, Retold —> HERE

Culture Shock: The Good, The Bad. The Ugly —> HERE

Culture Shock: What to Expect?-–> HERE

Culture Shock: Six Months in America —> HERE

Culture Shock: Manny’s First Christmas —> HERE

Our Honeymoon: Rishikesh India—> HERE

K1 Fiance Visa: The Process—> HERE

K1 Fiance Visa: The Inteview —> HERE

Cr1 Spousal Visa: The Timeline —> HERE

Cr1 Spousal Visa: Interview Questions —>HERE

Green Card: Approved—> HERE

A Journey to:  New Delhi—> HERE 

A Journey to:  Jaipur India —> HERE

A Journey to: Dubai UAE —> HERE

Our First Diwali—> HERE

Giving Thanks, Shukryia  —> HERE

Being Sikh in America—> HERE

The Indian Grocery: Natural Products—> HERE

A Path to Happiness—> HERE 

True Love Lives Quietly —> HERE

Buddhaful Britt: Most Interesting Travel Blogger —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: As We Think, So We Become —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: Inner Peace —> HERE

Buddhaful Advise: Everyday Stress —> HERE

“SUBSCRIBE HERE” to follow our journey at BuddhafulBritt.com